HoPe FoR sWeEt LiFe~

I think everyone knw tis song rite..
y i talk abt tis song? coz i still addicted wif it..
y i will addicted wif it? coz i feel like sum hw it is talking abt my story n wat i feel nw..

I tot the feeling alr away frm me..
but when i listen tis song come back to my mind..
but when i try to stop listen tis song..the feeling make me feel more stress..
tis song kind of like helping me relax my feeling n my mind..

p.s. is tat crying will bring any used?if nt y i'm still crying?

why i can forgive u so easily?hmm..actually u hurt me so much y i still forgive u so easily?if u read tis post u let me knw can?

maybe to u i'm nthg..but i might be everything to sumone in the world..
maybe to u i'm childish..but i might be cute in sumones' eyes..
maybe to u i'm useless..but i might be useful for sumone..
maybe when u nid me i'm ur everything; when u dun nid me anymore, i'm nthg to u..

BUT i have to tell u..i nt a rubbish or a toy u can just throw it away..since u just treat me in tat childish way..dun wry i will treat u back in the way u want.. AND ALSO can u be more mature..u r older than me man..grow up ur mind la..dun be like kids anymore..we r 20+ teenage..nt longer kids..wat alr happened just forget it..ya..i said tat to u wat?! u have to do tat to me to show tat u r smart?!

IDIOT!! tats the most stupid way i ever be mature pls..grow up la..

I think nw is the right time for me to update my blog..i guess.. Just finish accounting II midterm just freaking hard.. The question tat i din expect b4, it come out itself w/o any inform ><.. But it alr passed nw wat can i do is wait the result out n do the best for the next exam..

I though tat i alr give up everything n just learn to think in another way abt our relationship..but seen like it is nt true..u still cnt accept me..n i stll cnt totally forget tat the end btwn our relationship? dun wry..u dun have to avoid me..coz i'm nt going to take the same course wif u..i will try my best n let u never meet me anymore after our foundation dun wry..

this all things are come from wat i choose and wat i dun matter hw the future turn to be i still will stick wif the decision n choice i make..coz tat is wat i choice i have the responsible to stick n handle of it..

A lot of ppl saying tat i used to put all my problems and emotions inside my heart w/o sharing with anyone.. it is hurting myself..
A lot of ppl saying tat i used to pretend i'm alrite n happy in frnt of ppl even thou i'm sad is still hurting myself..
i wish to have someone share my feeling nw..i wish to have someone borrow me a shoulder n cry on..i wish to have a back to let me rely for awhile..but whr to get? i used to thought tat he will give me..but i'm who else can give me 1?just for awhile..coz after tis foundation yr we wnt meet each other anymore..

27 November 2010..tat day was the best n big day of me..tat day is my 20 yrs old b'day o!!tat day i had my best b'day o..27 nov, me,my family members,my uncle members,n my aunt's family members were spend time in Lotus Desaru Resort..tat day afternoon when we arrive Desaru, we went to water park. We spend time until arnd 6pm, then we had our buffer dinner at 7.30 pm..after awhile, the restaurant officer was take out a chocolate cake n a couple of singer sang a b'day song to touch..tis is the 2nd time tat gt stranger sang b'day song to touch..

i cut my b'day cake at the beach..the nice wind..nice song..n full of my parents n relative wishes..i feel tat i'm a very lucky gal..coz i can have my holiday at tis nice beach, can have my b'day cake wif my family, n i still alive n grow healthy until 20 yrs old..

after the cake, me n my family walk to the bar up to the restaurant.I order a cocktail call "sex on the beach"- actually is pineapple juice wif is nice..seriously..i like the cocktail^^

i reali have a best b'day ever..thx for all my best fren..thx for the best wishes u all give me....thx tat u all still be my fren n thx for everything tat u all do for me..thank you..reali thank you..

start from 2day, i reali have to move on, grow up, n be mature..i change dy..reali..i change myself dy..

p.s:actually i get a small surprise in my b'day too..the surprise is a cute guy come and talk wif me n get my fb o^^ to me he is cute la..may be other ppl would nt think tat ,but to me he is..hahahahahahahaha..ok..a bit crazy dy..

can i say that november is my month?lol..funny..i will say so just becoz my birthday at this month..lolololololol..will anyone celebrate wif me? i hope so..tis will be my 1st 2+ birthday..1st birthday tat i walk into 2+..i nt longer 1+ yrs old gal..i shud wake up n grow up..haiz..suddenly fell so stress tat i have to face the real life..hw i hope the time can reverse..back to the time tat i'm 18..if can back to 18 i will choose the best choice for myself..i will stay at Help, i will continue my law, i will get my best best best fren, my life will be totally different..

but since nw i cnt do anything dy..i cnt change the time..i cnt do anything wif it..wat i can do is..continue my life..continue n change the future..i choose to give hope the god will open another window for me..let me survive..

Can i scold the fuck word? will anyone say me rude, impolite, or others? but i reali cnt stand for it dy..FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!! damn world..damn god..wat kind of decision u r makind FUCK la you!!!!!!!!!!!

ps..below 18 dun read tis post..

Who am i? i'm Jessica Lee..
Who am i? i'm a gal who r always dreaming and always do stupid stuff..
Who am i? i'm a 20 yrs old gal, but still super childish and refuse to grow up..
Who am i? i'm a gal who duno hw to move on..who duno hw to read wat others ppl thinking..
Who am i? i'm a gal who always make my fren and my family feel pathetic to me..

y i'm here? i parents bring me here..
y i'm here? i duno..i duno..i reali duno..

my darling tell me tat i have to move on..continue for my own life..ya..tats true..but hw?
my darling tell me tat i have to be strong..pass thru the hard time nw..ya..tats true..but hw?
my darling tell me tat i have to think get myself back..ya..tats true..but hw?

i gt a lots of frens..but who can i rely on?
i gt a lots of frens..but who shud i believe in?
i gt a lots of frens..but when i alone who shud i call?

feel like i emo again is it? ya..tats rite..i reali emo..
feel like i hopeless dt rite? ya..tats rite..i feel tat to myself too..
feel like i annoying rite? ya..tats rite..even he oso feel tat..

but nw..i feel like i'm the extra 1..
i feel like everything i did r wrong..
everything i done r too lebih dy..
or i shud say..i'm always the lebih 1..
or i shud say.i'm always the most stupid 1..

i lost myself..n i cnt find it back..
i lost myself..i duno whr is it sy..
i lost myself..who can help me find back myself?
i lost tat anyone can borrow me shoulder and rely on?

sry frens..sry tat let u all 2gether wif tis kind of fren..sry..

y shud i ask for help when tat nite?y cnt i just fall asleep when tat nite?tat i dun have to face all tis thing nw dy..y shud i..

pathetic..u guys knw wats tat mean rite..2day i heard sumone say it to me again..she is thr third person who sat tat word to me dy..i tot i will never have any feeling to the words anymore..but its still feel hurt to me..the 1st n second person whosay tat word to me was my parents..i would never forget their face reaction when tat day they said the word to is hurt..reali hurt..i tot i wnt cried when i hear sumone say tis word to me..i tot i wnt sad wnt i think back wat happened during tat time..i tot i wnt have any feeling wif it..

but i'm wrong..
pathetic..tis word still hurt still make my wound bleeding..i already tried my best to forget the past y u still wan me to remember the is hurt u is the worse memory i ever had..if i still can choose i would rather die then remember tis past..

i reali have to face the truth..i'm reali an idoit who make ppl always feel PATHETIC to me..sorry..i knw i make u all feel tat to me..i knw..i just can say sry..i knw after sumone read tis she sure give me (==) tis face again..but i just wan to say out wat i feel nw..just wan say out..sry..

nw i just realise my life reali damn sucks!! i think is nt my life's problem.. is my own problem..i'm reali a biggest failure in the world!!!damn it!!!!!

i reali damn disappointed to myself..hw can i get tis terrible result..wati did in the last cgpa is 2.82, but my gpa is only 2.7..wat the hell am i doing..i reali damn disappointed to myself..damn it..

y i just wan to find a replacement oso will be tat hard..i just wan to start everything again, i just wan to start a new life..y will it be tat hard? i reali dun take any hurt heart is bleeding, if i still cnt stop bleeding n i will die becoz of loss too much blood..

i dun wan to bring any burden to anyone anymore..i knw tis is a very small thing..i'll do my best settle it by matter hw the situation will becum, i'll take the responsibility by myself..i'll settle evrything by myself..i sure..

new trimester start soon..i have to stop n reset everything again b4 the trimester start..i have to reali focus on study and act as gud fren in frnt of everyone..i shud be a gud actress again..reali..i sure i can do it..i reali 4got tat i'm an actress b4..i shud take my role again..n be the best actress again..i knw i can do it.. exam coming soon^^coming soon^^

AHHHH!!!!!!WTH!!!!!1 MORE DAY!!!!I HAVENT FINISH PREPARE FOR IT!!!!WTH!!!!OMGGG!!!HW HW HW HW...i havent finish prepare..n summore i'm still blogging nw..><"

hmm..let me think wat can i do nw?ermm..fb?no way!!study..i think i shud..but nt reali gt mood..kill by my parents?definitely will..but it nid wait until the result come out..but i dun feel wan die b4 my 21 yrs old birthday o..hmm...i think i better go study nw..n study non stop for the next 24 hrs..slp have to away frm me for tis few days..i have to focus on study nw..

the stupid phd coursework make me damn worried nw..i get 0 for my coursework!!!WTH!!!!i did my work n i get 0!!!!hey mdm!r u slping during key in the marks?hw cum my marks is 0?! even thou i din reali go for ur class,but my attendance still gt 70++% coursework ahhh...T.T

final...i'll kill u!!!!!i'll!!!!!T.T

人在一生中总会为了不同的东西在前进,在追逐。。但在追逐的过程中,或许一花一草一木会分开了当下自己的注意力。。这时候如果自己的目标是明确的,我们便会继续往自己定的目标前进 ; 反之,如果无法把自己的目标定下来,这时候的自己便会迷失方向。。





can anyone pls help me stop everything nw? i cnt take it anymore..i cnt stand for it anymore..can anyone help me to stop it..anyone? it is too much too me dy..i cnt take it dy..i will explode soon..alr 2nites i din slp..i nid rest..i nid rest my brain..

final cuming soon..everything cuming soon..everything cum to me soon..everything rushing me nw..i knw nt only me..everyone facing the same problem..but i reali cnt take it anymore..can pls stop it..even thou just for awhile..can stop it n let me rest for a second?let me breathe for a second..can? or i alr disqualified frm breathing dy?

it is just a new day of a new month..i dun wan the month be so miserable..i wan a new n gud month..but y i nt qualified to breath in tis month?y shud i becum like tis in tis month?i nid breath..i nid rest..i nid slp..can i slp?2 nites dy..i reali nid rest..

hahahaha..2nite i'm super happy...^^ i reali have a nice nite...just nw ard 9 sumthing i was went out wif 1 of my senior for mcd near zoo Melaka..hehe..i knw the senior when i'm ard form 4 i guess..cnt reali rmb dy..then he is study at mmu too..but i din meet him b4 at campus..never..he have class at clcr too..but just cnt meet..haha...duno y..haha

haha..y i say happy..i oso nt sure..but just feel happy..wahaha...reali happy...duno wat to write dy..wan knw detail ask me personally ba..hehe..

ermm..tis few weeks i found out i gt the talent tat to make all my best frens angry wif me..haha..should i be pround of it..may be..nt sure..

the 1st best fren who angry wif me is him..may be i reali din care abt him..may be i should always msg him or pay attention on him.. is nt i reject his help is becoz i reali havent nid any help yet..but if i reali nid help i did ask for ur help b4 rite..nw is just i still able to settle the problems by myself..i dun like to trouble my frens wif my own problems..but i dunno tat will hurt u..sry..i din mean tat i give up on u..if i make u misunderstanding..i'm very sry..i say i give up already actually is mean i dun wan to "force" u do anything wif me anymore since tat i c u look so happy when 2gether wif be honest may be i'm a bit jealous tat u always choose to hang out wif them but nt us..even though u say tat u hang out wif them coz they nid ur help but i still jealous..ya..tat actually is my own feeling sry..if u think my apologize is acceptable then pls accept it..if nt..of course..i'm nt going to force u to accept my apologize..u have ur own right..but i just can say sry..

the 2nd best fren i make her angry is _v_..i'm sry i din help u sell the cupcakes..i reali nt purposely fall sick..when monday after i cum back frm cyber i found out i fever..then i took medicine n slp until midnite..when tat nitez u msg me actually i duno wat i reply..i just knw ltr must wake up go n take cupcakes..but i cnt wake up when tat nite..i tried but cnt..then when ard 11 sumthing my mum call me say tat pack ur stuff nw ur dad r waiting of u at outside of ur hse dy..i'm thinking wth..y suddenly cum mum say my dad worried tat i'll sick very seriously at the midnite so he decide cum n fetch me back..during the nite my head is very pain n i'm reali nt well so i din msg u all..when my mind more clear is the next day morning when i msg u all..but i duno i make u into trouble dy..i'm reali sry..i'm nt purposely run away frm helping u sell cupcakes..i want to help u..haiz..nw say tis already no use..i just can say sry tat i din help u sell cupcakes..n i almost make u into trouble..i reali sry abt tat..sry..hope u accept it..

a_e is another best fren i make her angry..a_e sry tat i din attend class..sry tat i left u alone in the class..sry tat i let u do all the stuff alone w/o helping u..sry..i din intend to skip class anymore but in fact i did..sry..reali sry..i promise next..even i sick until dying i will oso attend the class..sry...

so..sry to 3 of my best frens tat i make them angry..reali sry..i din intend to make u all angry..komenasai..i will try to be more alert start today..i'm reali sry..i hope u all will accept it..n lets everything back to normal or back to the time just like b4..sry...

ps:actually w/o u all..i'm nthg..

hmm..nw is 24/7/2010 6:02a.m...y nw i'm writing my blog..actually i oso duno y..the last time i slept is when 23/7/2010 2:++a.m. until 23/7/2010 10:++a.m...hmm..i almost awake around 24 hrs dy rite..yahooooo~~~~cool man..nt only tis..hmm...when 23/7/2010 ard 11:++p.m. i paint my 2 finger nails to black in colour..hehe..feel cooooollllll..i think i'm going to kill by my parents when i meet them when 24/7/2010 around 2p.m...hahaha...anyway..i'm still young so i used up my time...wakakakaka...

hmm..back to the topic y i'm writing my blog nw..coz nw i dun feel like sleeping n i'm nthg to do..facebook?dun animax?watched game?dun wan..boring..sleeping?dun wan..nt sleepy..hmm..the conclusion is i nthg to do so just awake until nw..

anyway..i'm taking bus to go back hometown after 3 to 4 hrs..hehe..nice rite..hehehehe..hmm..duno want to write wat dy..hehe..o..ya..1 more things..i finish my midterm exam dy...wakakakakakakaka..but when next week start i cnt skip any class anymore..or else io sure die in the final exam..T.T

gambateh Yui chan!!!!!!Mio chan dun scold Yui chan anymore ok..she will try to wake up b4 class deT.T *(u knw who am i talking abt rite..heheheheh)


oki..becoz one of my banana fren who complain abt tat i keep writing chinese blog..she cnt nw i change back to write english blog again..=.=" hmm..i just finish my accounting n econs midterm test..accounting if i din score A i'll kill myself..economics if i din pass i still will kill myself..but i think i gt around 90%will kill myself becoz of economics..i reali damn scared la..i studied but i dun week start reali cnt skip any single class dy la..or else i will failed my final man...T.T other then study..sum hw feel lonely..babe...dude...y u all so bz...i reali feel lonely..T.T..wormie darling...i miss kl life...i miss u all...some hw feel wan go back n study wif u all again...especially study law wif wormie darling again..haiz..but no chance dy..haiz..

just hope next yr can get gud result n can transfer to other uni lo..but my fren at mlk mmu will going to kill me..especially the dude(vic)and the babe(amelia)..the will be the 1st who kill me n chop me to the pieces..
nw is already 3 am..i have to slp nw..or else i will be sent back to china very soon..nitez everyone..


很久没用华文打字了,感觉很不一样。之前因为要让不明白华文的朋友明白我在写什么所以才用英文。但今天想为自己的心情自私一次。。最近心情好像不是很好,觉得很烦躁。。突然很想交个男朋友来疼爱,宠一宠自己。。哈哈。。很像发花痴对不对。。哈哈。。但自己一个人孤单久了,总会希望有个人会陪在你身边,听你说话,让你撒娇,关心你,爱护你吧。。或许有些人认为没有男人又不会死,对,没有男人是不会死。。我没说我没男人会死,但谈恋爱的感觉可以改变很多东西。。我喜欢谈恋爱的感觉,我喜欢有人疼爱我的感觉。。但似乎都一直找不到。。有人告诉我,缘分要顺其自然,他想来时自然会来到,但如果你勉强他来到你身边,他也不会呆的久。。对我而言,如果你没有争取那无论什么都不会是你的。争取或顺其自然大概都只是一种手段,一种让他留在自己身边的手段。我选择的是争取,因为我不想坐以待毙,我不喜欢等待,我讨厌等待。等待会产生太多的未知数,我喜欢掌控,我不喜欢在我计划的事情内突然出现变化。。 有时在想是不是自己争取了太多不属于自己的东西,有些东西我抢到了,但我并不快乐。我明明很喜欢那样东西,但当我到手后,我觉得它更本不值得我去抢。。花心吧。。或许是这样吧。。 我只是想在某个人的心中排第一位,但好像都找不到。。

ok..nw is 2nd trimester..everything should be restart again..and i decide let it restart in a new way..
i dun wan the old thing follow me again..i dun like repeating..i wan a new life..

last trimester result is nt tat well..
i find out i reali a failure..a biggest failure in the world..

i wan to reali work hard in next trimester..i wan throw everything away..everything wont bring me any benefit just throw it away..

the 1st thing i dun nid is love..i dun trust it any is knife n it is a biggest lie int he world..i dun nid it..i can be better w/o it..

the 2nd thing i dun nid is feeling..feeling is is a thing will make me into trouble..heartless is the best way for my life..i used to be too caring n may be "busybody" n nw i nid to be heartless to prevent getting hurt..

may be my parents r reali the most important thing in this world..nth is real,but just money..nw wat i can do is study n earn money..others r nth..

ok..i think i should admit tat i'm reali stupid n story was happened when last sunday..

last Sunday,i was went out wif my frens n my sisters..firstly,i went to yamcha wif my frens..then i brought my 2 sisters went to watched movie-shrek.. tat was the first time i went out watch movie wif my youngest sister..i brought her to the counter n bought ticket..when the moment she walked in front of me,my foot "ter-hit" my sister's shoes..n her shoes is unexpected super hard..the hit cause my foot's nail break n bleeding..ya ..THE NAIL BREAK N MY FOOT BLEEDING...

when the moment started bleeding,i feel dizzy n the eye sign was blur..the next step is i faint..YA..AGAIN..U DIN READ WRONGLY..I FAINT..I FAINT IN FRONT OF THE CINEMA..i dun even knw tat i was faint,i tot i was sitting on the floor..i heard sumone talking n my sister ask me stand up..but i totally dun have any energy to stand up...

my sister dun even care tat should i went back home or went to the clinic..she just care abt the stupid movie..stupid sister..dun even care abt can i continue stay inside the cinema n watched the movie..n i wasted rm10 n sleep inside the stupid cinema...

damn la..stupid money..n stupid sister..n stupid shoes..i'm cacat nw cnt even walk properly..stupid shoes make me super embarrassing n super pain..

no..i think i should say tat..such a stupid me..cnt even walk properly..damn stupid..i think next week u all can c how my foot became..haiz..=="

ok..1st trimester cum to the end dy..the time passed so fast..i stuck at mmu already 3 months..==" during tis 3 months i learn a lot of things..n knw a lot of gud frens..

victor,my "boss"..he is smart (i guess)..hahaha..reali thx tat he teach me a lots of things..eva low,my "dude"..she is cool n sum kind of "dark"; amelia,my "cheerful dudess"..she is cheerful n sum kind of "fun"..hahahaha..

ok..guys..dun angry n sad k..u all r important to me..u all r my best fren k..i reali feel happy when i spent time wif u all..

hope in next trimester we still can always stuck 2gether like b4 k..u knw wat i mean..

2day i hang out wif Eva,2 seniors and 1 seniors' fren..we went to pahlawan mall n watch movie..u knw wat i watched? i watch a nightmare on elm street..i think tis is the 1st horror movie tat i keep laughing while i'm watching..

to be honest tis movie is nt tat me is around 60 is nt reali scary, it is just of the reason tat i keep laughing during watching is becoz eva is using her jacket trying to cover her eyes while the "ghost" "pop out"(i dunno she is going there for watching movie or cover her eyes ==")

another reason is becoz when the "ghost" almost wan 2 "pop out" 1 of my senior n his fren are covering their ear..the reason they cover their ear is becoz they dun wan scared by the music...wakakakakakakaka==" ok is kind of lame joke..

but the content of movie is nt bad,although is disgusting but i like the way the"ghost" kill the victim becoz is kind of funny n cool..u knw.. when a "ghost" who have the craws n craw on a gal body n the gals' blood"pop out" and also when the "ghost's" hand cross over a man's body..the body will have a hole at the middle of bady..tat look cool n fun..i dunno u all can imagine the screen or nt but is reali cool n fun..i like it..

ok..i think some ppl start think tat i psycho dy..but is reali funny tat a "ghost" can kill sumone thru tat way..wakakakakaka...but if u like tis kind of murder..hmmm..i should say horror movie then may be u should watch reali fun tat when u bring a fren who will scream when watching horror movie tat will be much more me u will love it..

p/s: dun fall asleep....wakakakakakakakakaka

wakakakaka..wakakakakaka..hmm..dun worry everyone..i'm still ok..just a bit hyper n forget to take medicine...wakakakakakakaka...anyway..2day i'm going to share sum equations wif u all..
they are:-

before tat day cuming,
you are worry;
when tat day has cum,
you feel worry;
after tat day passed,
you still worry..

beginning you worry about unknown,
after tat day you continuing worry about unknown and unknown,
until the end of the day you still worry abt unknown...
worry= unknown----------(2)

(1) -> (2) : day=unknown

economics= weakness


economics + day=dying tis is the conclusion..i guess....==" haiz

p/s : anyway ni finish econs paper dy.....YEAh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Start from 17 of May my life will be miserable..because tat day is the beginning of final for 1st trimester..omg..i feel stress and worry now..i have to try my best to do it well..i dont want to regret that i had wasted my time or my life..everything only came once,if you don't catch it now..u won't be able to have the second chance to catch them guys lets us work hard together..aza aza fighting!!!!

Huhuhuhuhu..ok..hii i'm writing my second post..hmm..actually i not sure what should I write,but 1 of my friend keep asking me that :" when you want to write a new post?" , "where got people just write 1 post and stop for so long de.."..The friend keep asking for non-stop let me feel that may be i really should write the second post for my blog = ="

Hmm..this few days i'm busying with some assignment and final is coming dy..because i haven't start study anything yet..hehehehe..never mind i will start study as soon as possible..i think so la.. by the way i should say i like the computer assignment very cool..hehe..hope we can present very well^^
And when i'm writing this post the friend stay beside me keep disturbing me = =..E_ _ L_ u..i'm talking abt u..feel wan to punch me?hehehehe..
so c u all next time ya..

This is the first time i make my own blog, i not sure what and how should i write. I just try to write out some special thing that happen in my daily life. May be in the post that i write may have some grammar mistakes but i will try my best to improve myself. Hope all of my friends won't laugh at me and try to help me to improve my English's standard..Thx ya^^

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This blog just wanna share the feeling and thinking abt brownie's life..
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i just love ice-cream and sweet things,i just a normal girl,but just maybe more greedy then them..coz i like to chasing for a better life for myself..