HoPe FoR sWeEt LiFe~

Maybe you might say why am I watching such an old drama since already have many others which might better than this. I'm getting influence by my mum, she is watching this drama since before new year, while watching with her then i started to found out this is not only a romantic drama but also something to be think..

This video clip is the best part that in this whole drama(my own opinion la). Because I love the connection of Do Min-joon and Cheon Song-yi by using their eyes.. and use their eyes telling the world that real love is not prove by sweet talk, always accompany or any love action, but is just simple like when I wake out from sleep, the first thing come into my view is your smiling face.

Isn't love is that simple? not about accompany, but about the touching of heart, about what you think for the person. I don't need a bf like doo min joon but a pair of eyes that like him, only putting me in his view and watching everything happen around me, a pairs of ear like him, only hearing whatever I say and whatever voice about me. 

How to forget someone like you? When you enter my life and you leave, how about those who been putting and leftover at the back? How their life can back to the normal? Is always easy to forget and put down someone who are not been serious treating. But how about those who had been enter into heart?Only take out the heart will be able to stop the pain or take out the brain to forget all the memories?

If can I wish that everything never happen before, and I won't turn to be this too..

This is me when 2014, can u imagine how I look like when I'm 18 or even 19 years old? Can u imagine how I look like when I'm 23? Trust me, even one yr I can let u see a very big different me. Some people might say tats a good thing, tat means u r growing, u r becoming more pretty, but how many ppl knw the story behind being pretty? How many ppl knw tat hw many things had been covered behind this make up face? Many people might say it is not important, everyone will do the same things or had the same stories.. But u reali knw mine? U reali qualified enough to judge mine? 
This is me when I'm 23, is it a big differences can be see in the photo? The smile on my face in one year time alr turn to be different. Not longer that pure, that happy. Happy not longer appear in my life, it just disappear, somehow duno y it just gone.. Time passed, everything changed, I'm gone, I'm nt longer the same. Don't see me as the same me anymore, coz u might duno me anymore. 

Jessica is not longer the same Jessica, she being polluted. Polluted by her dark side. No one can shine her life anymore. Tats all, the end her life. 

Christmas just passed one days ago, what going to have next is New Year.. New Year means new start, new expectation, new hope, everything should be new again.. New characteristics should be build as well.. I really not sure how fare i still can tolerate all these and putting mask on myself.. feeling insecure, scare, worried, uncertainty for everything make me feel down easily.. I know I'm weak.. very weak.. emotional, mentally, physically weak, but at least i try my best putting on mask to make myself look strong.

In front of you, i just wan to be normal girl, be weak be relax n just like an ordinary girl.. but i think is kinda impossible n it never able to achieve.. Nvm, one year going to end soon, I still have another 5 days more to train myself up and to rebuild a new mask.. I believe I still have enough time..

One year, many things can happened, many things can be changed, many things can gain and even lost. In year 2013, I experienced be someone powerful, someone holding final decision, someone decide everything, someone control the whole situation. But at the same the I back to be someone cruel, someone heartless, someone neglect people feeling, someone who don't know how to understand others people thinking.

Before go to Nilai, I told myself be a good girl, be a lady, don't back to the old life, don't back to the mess. End of 2nd year in Nilai, promises break. I'm still the mess. I'm still the rubbish. I'm still the old me. People might don't understand why I judge myself in this way and say I'm in negative thinking all those shit. In the fact is just they didn't experienced what I had been through. They don't know my history. And I don't plan to explain.

I hate explain, because the person who understand you they won't need your explanation. If you need me to explain to you, means you don't trust me at all. And no matter how hard I explained you will never believe me. So keep me mouth shut and stop explain. It is useless.

One year ago, end of 2012, We are an assistant.. He is the main key man.

Me and her the smile is still so pure..

One year after, we both be key man, the smile is not longer that pure.. 

How many things are hide behind the smile, no one will know. I don't like to understand the reason or the thing hide behind the smile. Just let it be. Smile is better than cry..


但我却觉得任何人相遇都是缘分,为什么要害怕那种缘分? 为什么要逃避那种缘分?伤害是种成长不是吗?或许你会说我们安分守己不就好了,为什么明知他是仙人掌却还要硬去拥抱呢?那不是自找没趣吗?





Recently I'm really mentally and physically exhausted. Dealing with club, events, and studies are really hard. I can announce loud that I have full commitment on club and events. But for studies I failed.

When this year start, i seldom appear in class. Even in class i am sleeping or busy planning event. I didn't even know what the lecturer had taught about. FAILED man! FAILED!

I don't even know am I get myself a correct decision or not. But I know no matter what matter I use I must get it done well! MUST! I don't have any plan B or second choice! What I can do is just get it done well! done perfectly well!

Hiding and crying always what I can do, and what I always do. I don't need others to understand and sympathies!

2012 is coming to the end in 2 days more, many people believe that world will be end when 22 December 2012. But I am not, if now let me choose again, I will wish the world really end when that day.

This year to me is not a nice ending. I face lots of unexpected thing, and realize lots of things that I didn't know. I am 22 this year, next year will be 23. Is already an adult. I should really start behave, think, act like an adult no matter I willingly or not.

1 day, the burden of take care my family will be on me. 1 day, I will have to face all the problems. 1 day, everything that I thought was important will gone. 1 day, love / relationship will be the one not important at all.

Parents, family always the most important thing to me. I can sacrifice myself just to protect my family. But this round I failed. I didn't manage to help them to get rib the pain. Midnight get a called that can scare you to the death is always the story line in TV series. But when it happen in my life, I'm stun. I don't even know how to handle when that moment.

The past few days, I am handling part of the work from my parents. When that moment, I just realize the experience I had before was so few so unreliable. The world is too big to explore. There are still many people, things, to wait for us to explore.  Self confidence will only kill us.

Maybe someone who read this post will think that :"huh? now u just realize o? wth? so slow" But I just want to say, ya. I just realize this and accept this. I am lucky girl that life under a big and strong tree that able to protect me so much. But now, the world change, is time for me to protect the tree. And I'm well ready to do so. If you really think I'm slow. Pls think if what happen on me now happen on you. What will you do?

This is not about blaming or insulting or criticizing but is just telling. I am not longer me.

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This blog just wanna share the feeling and thinking abt brownie's life..
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i just love ice-cream and sweet things,i just a normal girl,but just maybe more greedy then them..coz i like to chasing for a better life for myself..