HoPe FoR sWeEt LiFe~

Christmas just passed one days ago, what going to have next is New Year.. New Year means new start, new expectation, new hope, everything should be new again.. New characteristics should be build as well.. I really not sure how fare i still can tolerate all these and putting mask on myself.. feeling insecure, scare, worried, uncertainty for everything make me feel down easily.. I know I'm weak.. very weak.. emotional, mentally, physically weak, but at least i try my best putting on mask to make myself look strong.

In front of you, i just wan to be normal girl, be weak be relax n just like an ordinary girl.. but i think is kinda impossible n it never able to achieve.. Nvm, one year going to end soon, I still have another 5 days more to train myself up and to rebuild a new mask.. I believe I still have enough time..

One year, many things can happened, many things can be changed, many things can gain and even lost. In year 2013, I experienced be someone powerful, someone holding final decision, someone decide everything, someone control the whole situation. But at the same the I back to be someone cruel, someone heartless, someone neglect people feeling, someone who don't know how to understand others people thinking.

Before go to Nilai, I told myself be a good girl, be a lady, don't back to the old life, don't back to the mess. End of 2nd year in Nilai, promises break. I'm still the mess. I'm still the rubbish. I'm still the old me. People might don't understand why I judge myself in this way and say I'm in negative thinking all those shit. In the fact is just they didn't experienced what I had been through. They don't know my history. And I don't plan to explain.

I hate explain, because the person who understand you they won't need your explanation. If you need me to explain to you, means you don't trust me at all. And no matter how hard I explained you will never believe me. So keep me mouth shut and stop explain. It is useless.

One year ago, end of 2012, We are an assistant.. He is the main key man.

Me and her the smile is still so pure..

One year after, we both be key man, the smile is not longer that pure.. 

How many things are hide behind the smile, no one will know. I don't like to understand the reason or the thing hide behind the smile. Just let it be. Smile is better than cry..


但我却觉得任何人相遇都是缘分,为什么要害怕那种缘分? 为什么要逃避那种缘分?伤害是种成长不是吗?或许你会说我们安分守己不就好了,为什么明知他是仙人掌却还要硬去拥抱呢?那不是自找没趣吗?





Recently I'm really mentally and physically exhausted. Dealing with club, events, and studies are really hard. I can announce loud that I have full commitment on club and events. But for studies I failed.

When this year start, i seldom appear in class. Even in class i am sleeping or busy planning event. I didn't even know what the lecturer had taught about. FAILED man! FAILED!

I don't even know am I get myself a correct decision or not. But I know no matter what matter I use I must get it done well! MUST! I don't have any plan B or second choice! What I can do is just get it done well! done perfectly well!

Hiding and crying always what I can do, and what I always do. I don't need others to understand and sympathies!

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This blog just wanna share the feeling and thinking abt brownie's life..
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i just love ice-cream and sweet things,i just a normal girl,but just maybe more greedy then them..coz i like to chasing for a better life for myself..